Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
