WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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