I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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