Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
