i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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