if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
