the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
