dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
