I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
