If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize