I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
