the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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