Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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