i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
