yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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