I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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