So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
