I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
