im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
