hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I will be naked everywhere
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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