If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
