piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Boobs are out for the taking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
