i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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