Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
