I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
