he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
