Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
