mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
