Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
