mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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