Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
