So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
