My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
