She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He felt like a one man threesome
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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