what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
