I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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