You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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