do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
should my penis look like a turkey
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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