so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's a Shit stain on my heart
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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