How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He did a backflip because drugs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
