He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
