I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize