it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your cock deserves a montage
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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