I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hippo gnu deer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize