then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
