hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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