what if every blade of grass was a penis?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
