Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
