it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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