apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
