whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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