O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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