Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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