i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
