a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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