My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
two words...techno handjob
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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