I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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