Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
