just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
