shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
