there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
