Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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