sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
