An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
