I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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