I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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