I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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