Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
