dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this beer tastes like vomit already
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
