whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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