OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I had to cum in my sink.
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