Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
