Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
